Growing Through the Stages of Love

I recently came across Matthew Hussey’s four levels of relationships again, and it stirred up a lot of realizations about my own journey with love and connection. His framework outlines four key stages: Admiration, Mutual Attraction, Commitment, and Compatibility.

Admiration is that initial spark — when you notice someone from afar, feeling drawn to them without really knowing them yet.

Mutual Attraction follows when the feeling is shared — that undeniable chemistry where both people connect.

Commitment is when two people choose each other consciously, deciding to build something meaningful together.

Finally, Compatibility is where the real work begins — it’s about understanding if your values, lives, and dreams align in a way that allows you to grow together.

What really resonated with me was Hussey’s reminder that while attraction and commitment are important, they aren’t enough on their own. Just like in my own experiences, I’ve learned that lasting relationships are built on true compatibility — and that takes ongoing effort. It’s something that needs to be nurtured, understood, and cared for.

Looking back, I’m genuinely happy to see the relationships in my life evolving through these stages. But I also understand now more than ever that Compatibility isn’t just about finding the "right" person; it’s about adaptability — showing up with intention, making thoughtful choices, and committing to each other even when the challenges arise. It requires continuous work to create something that endures.

This stage, especially, demands a deep, conscious effort. It brings so many complexities into play — culture, intergenerational trauma, personal upbringing, emotional maturity, religious beliefs, dreams, and other deeply ingrained factors. True compatibility doesn’t come easily; it requires constant, honest communication, a willingness to be vulnerable, and patience to understand that true alignment doesn’t happen overnight. It’s about making adjustments, compromising when necessary, and offering unwavering support to each other.

Another key realization for me has been the importance of clarity and balance — not just within my relationship with my partner, but also with myself and the other meaningful relationships in my life. It’s a delicate dance of integration: respecting my individuality, nurturing our connection as partners, and ensuring that our lives outside of the relationship continue to flourish too.

Through it all, I’ve come to appreciate the value of our past relationships. They’ve shaped us, taught us, and helped us grow into better versions of ourselves. They’ve shown us the beauty of love, even in its most challenging forms.

Every relationship, whether it lasted or not, has been a gift. Each one has left behind lessons that guide us toward deeper love, richer connection, and a more authentic life.