Losing My Forever Best Friend 💔

I always remembered her for being gentle, caring and soft-spoken. She always sings for me especially on those days days that I am sad that my parents are not yet around because of their work and our family business. She added inspiration to my love for music. She taught me what true love means which is"Loving without any agenda" and she lived her life like that. I witnessed how selfless she was. How she prioritize her siblings, nieces, nephews and others until her last breathe. I spent most of my time with beside her. She was truly my best friend who protected me all the time and spoiled me with everything. Even if she's mad she is still continue to be gentle and caring.

We lost her 8 years ago. It was one of my biggest heartbreak in my entire life. I wasn't able to see her before she died. I was in denial back then. I can't believe I'm gonna lose her just like that so I was escaping from the pain. I was on my fieldwork in Masbate when she died. I was crying for days. I can't believe it is real and I don't have any choice but to wait for me to finish my mission work before I can finally go back to see her and pay my last respect. Besides I can't afford to book a flight back then which is the fastest route to be with her. My arrival in the city was just in time for her funeral. I felt so guilty for everything that transpired. I hope she was able to forgive me for being absent during the time that she needed me the most which is sadly because she always was there for me.  She always sent me love letters in case she's faraway from me. I really felt bad that in spite of serving others, I wasn't able to serve my own family. I realised then that this should change and I wouldn't let this situation to happen again.

It took several years before I can finally move on , stop self-blaming and start forgiving myself. I still listen to her music playlist which includes all her favourite old songs that she plays or sings for me when I was young. I tried to keep her phone with me to ensure that her memories will continue to live in my mind but it wasn't that helpful as I just continue to cry most of the nights. I miss you forever and your love letters and Hugs! You are one of the reasons why I become the person I am today. Eternally grateful for your overflowing love and support. I know you're in better place right now with Lolo and Lola and had already accomplished your mission here on earth. Please always be my angel. You will always be in my heart and mind.  Happy Birthday My Dearest Tita Nhors!  I LOVE YOU FOREVER ❤️🤗